Men frequently ask me if there are hypnotic suggestions to attract a woman of their dreams. The answer is more complex than a ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ answer. However, the question deserves a thorough answer.
Firstly, Hypnosis is a word used to identify what a practitioner does to assist someone to enter into a deeper trance than the mind automatically goes into many times a day or while meditating. Although, I hasten to add that many people, who meditate regularly are able to attain a deep trance to facilitate changes, except at the deepest level which requires accessing the subconscious mind.
Yes, men can attract the woman he desires, however, not by a formal hypnosis process. Yet, at the same time a form of ‘trance’ effect is in operation. Men simply need to know the triggers to create the ‘trance’ of attraction.
Remember women desire to be with the man of her dreams as much as men desire to be with the woman of his dreams.
You have probably noticed there are 100’s of articles and books on men attracting women, or women attracting men.
What the majority of these tomes miss is that attractiveness, attraction, seduction, intimacy, sex, whatever you call it — is a mental, emotional process, not physical or social. You could say the “wrong” things and still attract a woman. You could say all of the “right” things and repel her.
The keys to attracting the woman of your dreams is your intention, motivation, sincerity and authenticity.
To improve your dating success, you need to improve your mental and emotional life—how you feel about yourself and others—self-esteem/self-confidence. Also, how you express yourself to others, etc.
Learning witty lines, routines or dressing a certain way is the least of being attractive. I hasten to add, that having clean and current clothes styles and good hygiene is important. It is more about unmasking the unique and attractive man within you—who you are—sincerely and joyfully expressing yourself to the women of the world. When you treat all women with kindness, compassion and respect, you will be well received by the woman of your dreams.
That may sound vague, but it has critical and real repercussions on your interactions with women.
People choose who they will be with based on how they feel around that person. For men, it’s often quite simple. A beautiful woman arouses a man’s primal feelings, so he pursues and begins thinking about the ‘end game’ having sex.
Women experience sexuality differently than men. It is more complicated and difficult for men to decipher what makes women feel attracted to them. But the principle remains the same. Women are attracted to men who compel them to feel a certain way. There are a number of ways to elicit the attraction emotion in a woman, and the way in which you go about eliciting that emotion will determine the quality and quantity (or lack thereof) of the relationships you have with women and more specifically the woman you desire.
The bottom line is this, there is a lot of varying advice on how to attract women — some say to tease a woman, some say to be selfish and rude around woman, some say gifts, bling and glitzy events, others say to be cold and calculating—i.e. be in control. — The course you choose to pursue women is the corresponding relationship you’ll create.
The way which you pursue women will determine which ones you end up with.
If men feel cared for, respected and admired by a woman, he pursues a relationship with her without sex on the first or second date. Women who are seeking a relationship and who knows what she has to offer are unwilling to have sex until the man has shown her who he truly is as a person versus all the outer glitz.
If you choose to be cold, calculating and manipulative with women, you will naturally attract women who will tolerate and create a cold, calculating and manipulative relationship. If you pursue women with your neediness and an idealization of them, then you will attract equally naive and insecure women who will create a relationship of neediness and false idolization. If you pursue women in a rude and harsh manner, you will attract women who respond to harsh emotions and elicit harsh emotions themselves.
I encourage men to pursue women with honesty, integrity and authenticity because you will attract women who are honest, authentic and conscientious themselves, making for a better relationship.
If you are seeking a ‘sex buddy’, one-night-stand, a good-for-now woman, you don’t need to read further.
The main reason I encourage men to pursue women with authenticity is that communicating your sexuality with women openly compels you to become a confident and integrated man. In the short-term, this can be more painful and difficult. But in the long term, this reduces emotional neediness and molds you into a bold and confident man who draws women to him like a magnet.
BE A MAN OF STATUS
It is important to remember there is not yet any consensus on what attracts women to men. Science has found dozens of factors, but there is no overarching model that is agreed upon by everyone. Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling their perspective.
Many traits which determine attraction are completely out of one’s control: genetic make-up, physical features, testosterone levels, pheromones, social perceptions, where a woman is on her ovulation cycle, etc. You can’t control these so there’s little reason to worry about them.
There are many traits which ARE within your control: Your lifestyle choices, your occupation, how you dress and groom yourself, your health and fitness, your confidence, your lack of neediness, and your behavior.
There is a lot to juggle. Thus, it helps to find underlying principles to attraction, a common denominator of all attractive behaviors and qualities.
Research reveals that the largest common denominator when studying what attracts women to men is that men who are perceived to be of high status around women tend to attract more women more often.
There is validity that men’s status with women will attract the woman of their desires, because this factor is mentioned the most often in dating advice and pick up material. It’s seems ubiquitous, and yet there are a number of interpretations of what constitutes status. There’s outward status (money, resources, nice clothes) and behavioral displays of status (confidence, assertiveness, leadership). There are arguments on both sides, which, drives which: does money and prestige lead to confidence and leadership? Or does being a confident leader create wealth and prestige? In my opinion, the later is more authentic.
Furthermore, research supports that women are attracted to potential status as much as they are attracted to status itself. No doubt you have heard about the guy who for a period of time at the end of college and two or three years struggled financially. Maybe sleeping on a friend’s couch, unemployed and still going out and partying. Struggling financially didn’t seem to slow them down. In fact, some men attract a number of older women—typical Mrs. Robinson, who take them under their wing and support them during this period until they get on their feet.
I believe that status in a male is determined by his behavior. Outward displays of status can create opportunities (cars, money, nice clothes), but don’t create lasting attraction themselves. They are the effects of high status behavior, not the cause.
Sexual attraction from women is determined by status, status is determined by behavior, and what determines whether a man has attractive behavior or not is his perception of himself relative to those around him, particularly women. I refer to this concept as neediness and believe the degree of a man’s neediness around women will determine how attractive or unattractive his behavior around them will be.
For example, a needy man may come up with really clever jokes and have a great job, but he will use them to impress her and get validation from her — needy behaviors—and will therefore be perceived to be unattractive. Whereas a non-needy man may talk about silly conversation topics, openly admit that he’s between jobs, but get very excited and passionate about his hobbies. This man will be seen as attractive because his behaviors will be genuine, authentic, and non-needy. The reason is he’s basing his behavior around her on his perception of himself and not her perception of him.
The needy man, despite having a good job and clever things to say, is a follower. He’s a pawn of those around him. He will only go so far. The non-needy man, even though he may be a bit aimless and in a downturn in his life, he will end up living an enriching and unique life that suits him and makes him happier.
When a man values the perceptions of others more than his perception of himself, then he will naturally behave in an unattractive way around them. If he trusts his perception of himself more than the perceptions of those around him, then he will be perceived as a non-needy man, and therefore behave attractively. All of the outward appearances of status and resources — a cool lifestyle, fitness, nice clothes— these things are a result of a man who is inwardly driven, a man who invests in himself and takes care of himself.
In the final end, all attractive traits in a man can be traced back to his self-esteem, self-confidence and lack of neediness.
This is not to say that a man needs to disregard the perceptions of others, or trash or disrespect the perceptions of others — only that he needs to believe in his perception of himself more than the perceptions of those around him.
Neediness plays out in many forms. No doubt, you’ll recognize at least a few of these examples (my sincere apology if some of these examples bring up painful memories):
- Calling or texting a woman many times in succession because she didn’t call or text back and never getting an answer. NEEDINESS
- Straining to come up with a funny line or clever joke in order to impress a woman or to get her to like you. NEEDINESS
- Memorizing lines or routines to meet women and avoid rejection. NEEDINESS
- Accepting that if a woman doesn’t call you back that she wasn’t the right woman for you. NON-NEEDINESS
- Lying to a woman to appear more interesting or attractive. NEEDINESS
- Expressing your sexual interests and desires openly and honestly. NON-NEEDINESS
- Hiding your flaws, rejecting feedback. NEEDINESS
- Being unafraid of exposing your flaws. Being comfortable with your imperfection. NON-NEEDINESS
- Needing to be “dominant” or in control of an interaction at all times. NEEDINESS
- Resenting the women you date, or assuming they’re inferior or dumber than you. Talking down to others. NEEDINESS
- Treating women as equal, and have standards about only dating women who you enjoy and who are happy and concerned about your happiness. NON-NEEDINESS
- Investing in improving yourself for yourself, rather than to impress women or make people like you. NON-NEEDINESS
- Improving yourself only to impress those around you. Doing what you think will make people like you instead of doing what you like. NEEDINESS
You might notice that some of the behaviors labeled “needy” are behaviors taught as legitimate ways to attract women.
Needy behavior will only attract other needy women. Neediness finds its own level. When you’re an angry, misogynist who lies to women to get them to sleep with you, the only women who will tolerate your behavior long enough to sleep with you will be angry, distrusting women who lie to get things from men. If you are open and honest about your intentions and genuinely care about the women you meet and interact with authentically, then you will attract genuine and caring women who will be honest with you.
In psychology this is referred to as the assortment effect and it has been demonstrated in numerous studies.
If you’ve been needy in the past, then you’ve engaged in dysfunctional relationships with women who were highly needy in similar or complementary ways. Or, if you’ve been with few or no women, or are unable to attract any women, then chances are you’ve been so needy in your behavior that you’ve remained alone.
If you desire to be with amazing women who are open, loving, independent, supportive and nurturing, then you need to be the male equivalent. You need to be an honest, open, and strong man who believes in himself, takes care of himself, and is proud of the amazing life he’s made for himself. Attracting women is not about appearing attractive, it’s about being attractive.
DESIRE AND BRAVERY
“If you don’t arouse my mind, you won’t arouse my body.” -Winston Churchill
Since status creates sexual attraction in women, then demonstration of desire creates sexual arousal in women.
Without getting too deep into the research on female arousal (it’s juicy and confusing, which is no surprise), the leading theory on female arousal is women are turned on by bold behaviors, displays of bravery, and direct sexual desire, particularly when directed at the woman who is getting aroused.
Whether the bravery of a Firefighter from the Firefighter calendar or the sexy surfer who braves the 20 foot waves in frigid waters or a pilot, displays of bravery turn women on more than anything else. If you don’t believe me, go to your local book store and read a few chapters in a romance novel. Romance novels are porn for women, and you’ll notice they feature warriors, bad boys, race car drivers, football players, firefighters, jet pilots, and enter-your-super-sexy-and-dangerous-occupation-here.
Not only are these men racy and exciting, but they’re usually brash and debonair — they say what they want and go after it without apology. Yet, they are authentic, kind, compassionate and respectful.
What does this mean for regular guys?
It means being nervous is going to be a pretty big turn off. Afraid to talk to her, afraid to ask her for a date, afraid to kiss her, afraid to take her home — The Firefighter, jet pilot or football player wouldn’t be afraid to ravish her when the time is agreed on, so you can too.
Despite every woman you’ve heard complain about men hitting on them, bold displays of interest actually work in your favor the majority of the time, as long as they’re demonstrated in a manner that is not too threatening or disrespectful.
Some examples (for better or worse, these are taken from experience):
- Telling a woman she’s beautiful and you’d like to get to know her better. GOOD
- Whistling at a girl on the street and calling her crude disrespectful names. BAD
- When a woman seems interested in you, gently pulling her toward you and kissing her. GOOD
- Telling her what you want to do to her sexually before you are considered a couple. BAD
- Telling a woman you’re kissing where and how you’d like to have sex with her after you both declared you are a couple. GOOD
- Touching a woman inappropriately when you don’t know her or have not received interest from her. BAD
Men frequently underestimate how forward they are with women. And they greatly underestimate how effective being forward and open about their sexual desire is with women who are attracted to them.
A respectful and honest sexual expression is powerful, and in our society, rare. There’s a LOT of societal pressure to hide and disassociate from your sexuality. Many people grow up with a lot of sexual shame. And not only does this keep people afraid of expressing their sexual desires openly, it creates an unhealthy neediness and worship of sex.
Honest and respectful demonstrations of sexuality are rare, not only are women aroused by it, but it often hits them like a breath of fresh air.
THE QUESTION—WHY is omnipresent
I know you’d do anything you could to get her, but to get her you need to first do what you need to do to develop yourself inside and out.
What gets lost in most of the dating advice, and what is so fundamentally important to your happiness and success with the women you meet, is why you behave in certain ways rather than other ways.
In communication, what motivates your behavior is just as important as the behavior itself.
We all have known someone who was “struggling,” someone who seemed desperate for the attention or validation of those around them. Maybe it was a guy at work who needed to be right, or a girl who complained about everything so people would feel sorry for her, or the friend who did crazy things to impress his friends and be cool.
Likely these people annoyed men and they annoyed women.
When it comes to being non-needy, if you are working to be non-needy so you can be more attractive, then you’re paradoxically being needy. I know that sentence probably made your brain explode, so I’ll say it again.
You need to adopt non-needy behaviors because you care about yourself and want to improve yourself. Attracting women will be an ultimate side-effect of that desire.
If you attempt to adopt non-needy behaviors in an attempt to impress others, you are still being needy. You are faking it, and you will eventually be exposed. The only way to develop a genuine attraction to women is by genuinely investing in yourself.
When it comes to expressing sexual desire openly, if you’re doing it because you think it’s what a woman wants to hear, then your actions are going to come across as inauthentic and she will be confused or not trust you. If you treat telling a woman she’s beautiful or sexy and want to sleep with her as a “line” or a “strategy” to be memorized or adopted, then women will sense your neediness like a dirty pair of underwear and turn you down.
Expressing sexual desire is an internal process. It’s a process of removing your internal barriers to sharing your sexuality with others. Recognize that you will be rejected and turned down by a lot of women regardless of whatever you do. Accept this and appreciate it. If you measure success with women by lack of rejection, then you will be disappointed. If you measure success with women by the enjoyment and honesty of your interactions with them, then you will easily have a 100% success rate.
This is an internal and emotional process, not an external behavioral one with a gimic. The external behaviors are an internal side effect, not the cause of the attraction.
And becoming an attractive man of status is a process of investing in yourself and caring about yourself. Again, this is an internal and emotional process — how you feel about yourself, how you perceive yourself, how much you care about yourself — and bringing beautiful women into your life is a side-effect of that internal investment.
External investment will lead you nowhere. At best, it will bring superficial or dysfunctional relationships, and at worst it will bring you absolutely nothing. Yes, absolutely nothing. Proceed with caution.
Hopefully this information has given you a solid foundation of understanding the basic principles of attraction and how they work. Unfortunately, it doesn’t offer a lot of concrete examples or things you can do. No worries, there are 100s of articles dedicated to dating and attracting women.
If you are struggling with the internal process, I am here only to be truly helpful….contact me.