The Reason People Hate

Hate is a primitive coping strategy to ward off deeply hidden and pervasive emotional pain. Hatred is a debilitating and decisive choice of emotions for both the hater or chosen subject. Hating says more about the hater than what or who one is directing hate.

When you are struggling in life, low-self esteem, having conflict in your relationships, it seems that blaming others for your negative thoughts and feelings is the best choice.

Misery loves company

Furthermore, haters avoid confronting their own role in their distress. People join social media hate groups because it allows them to blame others with like-minded people. Thus, there is a sense of belonging and support.

No Hate Speech Movement (@nohate_speech) | Twitter


Hating anyone or anything is self-sabotage. Hating says more about the hater than what or who one is directing hate. Hating is futile because it changes nothing.

Those who hate anyone or anything have a high degree of Self-hate. Hating oneself, anyone or anything is the most insidious and pervasive destructive emotion anyone could hold. Self-hate underlies most behavior patterns and rules countless relationships. The patterns that spring from it can manifest in a wide variety of destruction—from Domestic Violence to War. That’s because self-hate is a social norm, and co-opts other debilitating patterns that have been normalized.

Self-hate patterns

A pattern of behavior is two-fold: It masks the real feelings and pain one holds, and plays out or creates the reality of the beliefs within the pattern. At the root cause of self-hate patterns are a feeling of deep unworthiness, worthlessness, and self-loathing. The pattern inevitably finds ways to both hide the real feelings and also play them out in self-destruction and at other targets. If reality doesn’t fit what self-haters believe is true, the pattern will cause him/her to do something that will sabotage his/her happiness and, or success. Whether it’s self-sabotage or getting others to participate in his/her downfall.

Self-hate patterns can be significantly creative and deceptive in finding ways to make reality fit the “I am unworthy, worthless and hate myself and others” perception.

This may be difficult to understand, to believe that hate is highly perverse as to purposely create self-harming realities! But it’s also a testament to the human psyche to survive against all odds and to create greatness. This phenomenon is pervasive and universal—as evidenced by domestic violence, individual atrocities, and war.

Overcoming Self-Hatred

However, understanding the phenomenon that hating says more about the hater than what or who one is directing hate is the first step to recovery, peace of mind, and happiness.

Eric Berne, Ph.D. wrote the most comprehensive explanation and antidote in his book, “Games People Play.” It is a comprehensive self-help book, and field guide with descriptions to identify patterns and what prompts people to engage in them. If you intend to improve your interactions and success you need to analyze your social and professional behavior. “Games People Play” will give you all you need to know! The key then is to practice changing your behavior to live harmoniously and authentically without malice towards others.

Seeking Transformation therapy with hypnosis to eliminate the hate pattern is the most effective and efficient process you can engage in. Within a few weeks, you will have a new life that you probably wished for, but could not imagine.

You can regain your self-esteem and create a happy and healthy life for yourself.