Why Men Walk Away From Conversations

There is a reason… No, it isn’t what you might think. 

British psychologists Joseph Griffin and Ivan Tyrrell proffer a description of the nature of human beings, the ‘givens’ of human genetic heritage, and what humans need in order to be happy and healthy. 

There is a biological reason a man bolts away, and it’s not because he’s a wimp, ignoring you, or being passive-aggressive, or he wants the last word in order to drive you nuts.

It is a part of the human male built-in survival mechanism.

When men get emotionally wound up, they are far more likely than women to have a heart attack or stroke. Statistics prove this to be true, because aggression is built-in with their testosterone, and along with that hormone comes rage, and a high probability of blowing a gasket.

Men are wired differently than women, and when the argument (conversation) gets too hot to handle, they instinctively want to disengage.

And the solution isn’t to get all soft, soothing, and attempt to calm him down when he’s full of cortisol and other stress hormones. That will often be like gasoline on the flaming frustration/anger he is feeling. Your significant partner’s mother or older sister might have wound him up as a young boy, and once he was fuming angry, the conversation was switched to being soft-spoken soothing, and telling him to calm down. This behavior puts boys into a freakout tantrum. Telling someone to calm down is telling them to not think and not feel. No one, including children, desires to be told what to do.

To all dating age teens and women…

Avoid using a strong loud voice when having discussions about issues. Using a conversational tone will assist both parties to remain calm and clear-headed.

This is what arguing looks like…

That's 361 Days of Not Arguing : Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me! : NPR

However, if your guy disengages from you, the answer is to let him go.

Allowing him time to cool off will do much to avoid escalating the situation and he will calm down more quickly. Taking a break will burn the cortisol and adrenaline out of his bloodstream, and keep him out of the ER.

If he heads outside or to his man cave to decompress, allow him all the time he needs to cool down without being pressured to continue the conversation. He’ll be back, and then you can talk with a quieter, saner level. You can talk in a conversational and less pressured voice. Picking up the ‘argument’ where you left off will only get the same reaction. Empower yourself to talk clearly, concisely, and direct. These words can derail your best intentions. 

Notice I said, conversation. Arguing does not solve anything. And he’ll still be alive.  Or not in the hospital recovering from a stroke or heart attack.

The best approach to have a successful conversation to resolve something is being calm, speaking in a conversational tone versus a frustrated or angry tone. Use clear, concise, and direct statements. 

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A couple having a discussion.