You Can Not Afford The Luxury Of A Pity Party

There are times when bad things will give you a wallop or rock your equilibrium. You might think that life isn’t fair. You might think the world seems to be against you.

These events run the gamut from being stuck in traffic or receiving a traffic ticket, causing you to be late for a meeting; the termination of a relationship and the worst case scenario rape or domestic violence. This can test your ability to be grateful and feel optimistic. Your first reaction might be to lament, ‘Why me?’ or ‘Poor me.’

When your reaction is feeling sorry for yourself, as many people do, your thoughts progress to the next stage: A full-blown pity party. You begin to feel like a self-righteous innocent victim of a cruel fate, because you see your life through clouded lenses. The thoughts that run through your mind are self-defeating and they serve to increase your indignation and feelings of powerlessness. The victim thoughts and feelings serve only to lock you into a downward spiral.

Victim thoughts and feelings prevent you from changing your circumstances or creating a sense of feeling better. When you have a frustrating or terrible experience, you need to have time to process your thoughts and feelings. It is important to avoid pretending that all is well. However, it is also important to notice when you are indulging in a pity party.

You need to set a time limit to process your thoughts and feelings to avoid indulging in an endless loop of the pity party syndrome.

It is important to avoid feeling guilty, ashamed or judge yourself. Asking a friend to listen to your thoughts and feelings can be helpful. Writing your thoughts and feelings is a highly effective strategy to sort out your experience.

When the time limit is up, let go of the thoughts and commit to move on. Simply declare your intentions to yourself and your friend and ask him/her to remind you if you slip into pity party talk. It is important to avoid dwelling on it by disciplining yourself to stop the thoughts. Stop feeling sorry for yourself by releasing the notion that you are a victim. Focus on the good that exists in your life. You experience what you focus on. When you focus on all that is wrong you create more of the same. When you focus on all that is right you create more of the same.

When you indulge in self-pity and poor me, you only make an unpleasant experience worse.  If you wrote your thoughts and feelings you can burn or tear up the paper as a symbol of sending your thoughts and feelings into the ethers.

When you successfully process your thoughts and feelings you will discover you have a new sense of empowerment and self-confidence. In the future if you have a bump on the road or a bad experience you will notice it is easier to regain your grounding and emotional balance.

If these strategies are less than optimal and the pity party is still your best method of coping and/or if you are in the pity party mode for 90 days or more,  it is imperative to seek professional guidance in reclaiming your life.  See my article – Choose the Right Professional – in this blog site.

Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, Metaphysician – Certified Hypnosis Practitioner, Author and Speaker. Dr. Dorothy facilitates clearing blocks, fears and limiting beliefs. You can live the life you desire. She brings awareness to concepts not typically obvious to one’s thoughts and feelings.